Today I experienced something incredible.
Something happened which upset me, which exposed all the pain of my past. Suddenly I was quite angry, and totally taking it out on God.
I lost count of the number of times I said 'it's not fair' like a little child. But boy I was so angry. God seemed distant, it was like He didn't care, wasn't involved and didn't listen. I felt like I didn't matter. I blamed Him for all the 'problems' in my life.
I wanted encouragement, I wanted Him to say something. Something positive and encouraging and constructive. Something to give me hope. I wanted an answer. Now.
I then read my e-mails, which strangely enough I hadn't read for a couple of days - very unlike me. I found one from a close friend of mine, who encouraged me about something I was losing faith in and losing confidence in. Just when I needed it. It was like God whispering something in my ear very quietly when I least expected it. I sensed God's foresight, grace, love and sense of humour.
The e-mail, you see, had been sent two days previously.
I was already on the way to calming down before I read it, but reading that saw a peace descend on me and I calmed down. I saw it from God's perspective. He knew this rant was coming, and somehow knew I wouldn't read my e-mails till that moment - when I needed it the most. It was almost like an answer to prayer before the prayer was prayed.
I sensed God had a wry smile on His face as He watched my reaction. He knew i wouldn't read this e-mail till that day. He knew the impact it would have if I read it at the right time, rather than when in a good mood that Friday.
He was in control. He is in control.
Its so reassuring to know there's a God who's involved in every part of our lives. A God who can see our childish rants for what they are and yet still answers and meets our need, sometimes long before we even see it.
I'm so fortunate. We are.
