I was talking to a friend of mine at the weekend discussing my plans regarding moving house. I proudly announced where I was going to be living and talking about my future at my church. Then he said 'How do you know this is what God wants?'
I thought about it for a moment and realised he was right. I had assumed that as I had found a church in Sutton that I should be living there. I hadn't put God at the centre of my decision. I hadn't even questioned whether He wanted me to stay at my current church. I hadn't surrendered these decisions to God.
My pastor, Jason, spoke recently about surrendering our lives to God and putting Him at the centre of every decision. On Sunday someone responded and said what had happened when they didn't put God at the centre of their decisions. They were uncomfortable at their new church and in their new home. The had moved before asking God and found a church afterwards.
When Jason asked us to respond I knew he was talking to me. I had to go up. I realised how scared I am of the future. As I started to let go of things I started to feel this fear even more. However, I knew that the fear was a sign I was doing the right thing - it was the enemy trying to stop me. I pressed on and let go of all the decisions in my life. My relationships, my job, where I live, where I go to church.
I don't know what the answers are yet, but I'm listening for the answers. Am I afraid of the answers? A little. But I know that if people are praying about it, I've surrendered it and am listening to God about it then He will tell me and make it clear to me. I don't know what the future holds exactly. But I do know that my future will be building God's kingdom not my own.
It will not be me making decisions about my life then asking God to bless them. It will be asking what God's plans are and then making decisions in obedience to that. Its scary but exciting. Who knows where its going to lead me.
I finally know the meaning of the song lyric "I surrender all to you, all to you".
Its not saying "I surrender the stuff I choose". But "I surrender all". That's the challenge to us all.
